I've always considered myself a person who was just cool with who people are. There are people in my life and even in my own family that I don't always agree with. But I love them and I respect their choices (even when they don't necessarily respect mine). I feel like everyone should be allowed to make their own decisions about most things, providing what they decide to do isn't hurting defenseless children or animals.
Lately though, I find myself trying to change people's minds about things.
I know a girl (I wouldn't call her a friend, although at one point in my life I might have) who is in a miserable, miserable marriage. Not just a normal marriage which ebbs and flows and sometimes is fabulous and sometimes sucks butt. I mean she's in a marriage in which every single day of her life she's unhappy. Every single day of her life she has to look at the stoolwad of a man she's married to and wonder why it all went so horribly wrong and why he just didn't turn out. Every day of her life she's out working, two jobs, and supporting him and their children while he sits at home, wasting his life and being unproductive and not even caring for all the children he fathered.
It makes me absolutely, 100% insane.
I want to shake her. I want to shake him. I want to understand what makes someone's self esteem so low that they think that it's okay to be treated that way. That it's acceptable to be a part of a charade like that. To watch someone as they waste time and waste their life and the lives of their children. To watch as those kids watch. Those kids who think that this is the way that men treat women and that there is no teamwork at home.
And it's absolutely none of my business.
I know it's none of my business, which is why I stay out of it. But I fight the urge to call her and scream at her. I fight the urge to call him and scream at him. I desperately want to adopt those children who, to my knowledge are not being beaten or slapped, but are, without a doubt, being emotionally neglected in a dirty little apartment.
It's none of my concern. It's her choice. I don't agree with it, but it's her choice.
My husband, also, has been making me take pause lately about certain things. He and I generally agree on issues (we don't talk politics anymore though), but lately he's been holding back in dealing with some things. Things which, honestly, don't have anything to do with me anymore, but which he is still trying to champion for me.
I don't need him to do this. I'm ready for him to move past it.
I can't make him move past it.
I encourage but don't push him. I give my opinion and I want desperately to respect his.
But I don't. Not on this.
I suppose I've been self-centered. People have their say and it's their right to have their say. Just because I don't agree with you doesn't mean you are wrong, but at the same time, I'm just going to sit in the corner and think about things that pertain to me.
Or maybe I realized a long time ago that I can't right all the world's wrongs.
Or maybe, just maybe, I see myself in these people who are hurting and desperate and lonely. I see myself ten years ago as a little girl with two little babies and no one to hold her hand. I see myself as someone who didn't know how to forgive and couldn't handle the harsh reality of what my life actually was and probably would have continued to be.
I don't know.
I just know I don't like this growing up crap.