1) I have nothing to wear to the Southern Festival of Books. I mean nothing.
2) Moreover? I have no idea what I'm supposed to wear. Nor do I have a lot of funds to purchase something new.
3) Even more moreover? I have not made hotel reservations. Good. Gravy.
4) I also generally no plan whatsoever for what to do with my children during the Avon Walk. My parents will be around, but I have no idea what to do in Charlotte and no idea where to even start.
5) It's raining. I'm supposed to walk sixteen miles today. Technically I suppose I could go to the gym and walk on the treadmill but I might have to stab myself in the face if I walk sixteen miles while watching German Techno crap. Lord.
6) There is no Diet Pepsi in my home. CALL. SOMEBODY.
7) Someone recently introduced me to the phrase "lick my crack" and I haven't found nearly enough opportunities to use that in conversation.
8) I had this horrible realization the other day that I wrote a book. About my own life. And people have read it. And now they KNOW ABOUT MY LIFE. And it really freaked me out all over again.
9) I have at least thirty emails that need responses. The thought of responding makes my head hurt.
10) I'm behind. I'm sad. I'm pathetic. And I don't know how to change.
*Not an exhaustive list.
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9 comments:
but that book... was so good... and made a lot of people happy to read! YAY!!
OK, I am about 5 hours from Charlotte (as you know) I will be there if you would like and the kids can hang out with me and I am not sure if this is a good thing or not but I have definitely told quite enough people to "lick my crack" lately.
Do the elliptical trainer. You can farther, faster, and burn far more calories. It's also not as hard on your knees as jogging. I like to mix it up.
where exactly is the festival being held (since I'm too lazy to look that up and all)
You can also use, "lick me where I pee", when "lick my crack" doesn't seem appropriate.
I'm behind, sad, pathetic and don't know how to change either.
See. You aren't alone.
I bet that made you feel a little bit better? Yes? No?
Oh please don't walk 16 miles on the treadmill. I had to do a few long runs on the treadmill during my 1/2 marathon training and I wanted to die and kill people by the time I was done!
And #7? I have to cringe. My a-hole redneck big-belt-buckle-wearing ex-boyfriend used to say that all the time. Don't be like him! Please!
We need to meet up for lunch, and I'll totally buy you a diet pepsi.
**SMOOCH**
Wow, quite a list there. Hopefully you will find something cute to wear. Also how big is the festival since you probalbly should get a hotel soon before they book up.
Everything will work out :)
You're going to be fine.
And when "lick my crack" doesn't do it for you, you can use my other favorite, "Lick goat balls."
Your welcome ;)
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