Thursday, March 29, 2007

You are glad you aren't me.

On Tuesday night my beloved husband asked me if I could possibly go purchase for him one of these handy, dandy little products. Since, you know, he had one and had totally burnt out the motor on his big, hairy German self.

I agreed that I would go look for one. Yesterday while I had half the day off to take the children to the dentist and run errands, I decided I would see if I could locate the device.

I dropped the kids back at school after their appointment, loaded myself and Ginger up in the Santa Fe, and cruised down to the bank, the post office, and finally to Walgreens, where I immediately scored.

I was so pleased with myself and went to the counter to pay for my purchase. When I got in line I noticed that the cashier was looking at me kind of…strangely.

I thought that was very amusing. She was a young girl and I assumed she was probably just embarrassed for me that I was buying a product that advertises as something good to clean your nose hair out. I giggled to myself, thinking of what she would do if someone tried to purchase condoms or hemorrhoid cream.

As I moved up in the line, she kept casting glances at me until finally she was flat out staring at me when I was standing in front of her. I took this opportunity to make her as uncomfortable as possible by being unnaturally friendly.

“Hi LINDA!” I shrieked, reading her name off her nametag. “How are you today?”

“Um…” she stammered. “I’m…fine. How are you today ma’am?”

“I am SUPER! Thanks for ASKING!”

Linda looked at me in what can only be described as agony.

“Um,” she said. “Well, um, did you find everything you needed today?”

“Yes I certainly did Linda!” I exclaimed. “Thanks so much for asking!”

“Um, well, okay,” said Linda. “Have a nice day ma’am.”

“Linda! You just have the best day ever!” I said, as I exited.

I laughed to myself all the way to the car, thinking: What a silly girl. She was staring at ME and she had green and pink stripes on her fingernails. WHATEVER LINDA.

I got to the car and Ginger was sitting in the driver’s seat, waiting on me. I opened the door and as she was shoving over, something caught my eye.

The underwire. From my bra.

It had come loose, worked its way up, poked out of the top of my shirt, and was sitting on my neck.


And the worst part? This is the second time in two weeks that has happened to me. The first time was at work, where my MALE CO-WORKER gleefully informed me, “Your shirt looks like it has HORNS!”

I am amazed I was able to go back to work.

I’ll never be able to go to Walgreens again.


Brown Eyed Girl said...

OH my Gosh....that is something that would totally only happen to you.

LOL....Hell I buy Bald Guyz Head Wipes and I'm sure they look at me funny with my big ole afro on my head..thinking..

"Did you READ the box lady?"

Rachel (Crazy-Is) said...

Ok, I seriously laughed my ass off thinking about that! Holy Crap!!! Linda probably thought she was dealing with a crazy woman (clearly) and is probably telling the story right now!

Why, oh why, did you not take a picture??????

This is priceless!

Patiently waiting said...

Absolutely freaking hillarious! Underwire bras suck, at least it wasn't stabbing you in the armpit all day, lol.

my4kids said...

LOL! I snorted at work when I read the part about the underwire. I am getting strange looks now....because that is so something that would happen to me also

Adventures in Baby Fat said...

Rarely do I really laugh out loud but I seriously did reading that.

Totally something I would do! In fact, I've learned that the second that inner chuckle starts it's panic time. When my inner voice starts telling me someone is mistaken by their impressions, I have to find a mirror and fast. Who knows what I might find.

Pretty funny!

Denise said...

Thats almost as bad as having socks stuck to the velcro on the OUTSIDE of your jacket lmao lmao lmao.

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

I think you should go back and tell her off! How dare she not clue in the nice friendly lady with the nose hair issue? Awfully cruel of her, I think. =P

Anonymous said...

Okay so I just discovered your blog and can I say how much I'm loving it. Seriously, I have a blog crush on you. This was so funny it hurt. The same thing used to happen to me all the time in NY, I had this one bra that kept poking up. So funny. So good. Keep writing.

Julie said...

I almost peed in my pants. That is the funniest thing I have heard this week.

JUST A MOM said...

HAHAHA OK STOPPIN BY AND WHAT DO I GET,,, that laugh I sure needed. Have a great day,, WHEN YOU GOIN BRA SHOPPING?

dennis said...

so it IS true that if you are not careful they CAN poke you in the eyes!

Alpha Dude said...

I am too much a gentleman to say too much about that.

Way funny.

Thank you so much for sharing.

BS said...

Your post just made my day !! It so lifted my spirit after having a trying day !! I look forward to reading you each and every day (sometimes even sneak a peek at work which really isn't allowed - uh... using Govt property for personal use - but it's worth getting caught!)

Wendy said...

OMW!! Thanks for the laugh! Now my hubby thinks I am a little nutty! I seriously have tears running down my face:)

Brandie said...

That is a pretty funny story. I have had that happen several times to me - the worst was in the middle of high school - just the time of life when you can be embarrassed just for looking normal!
Anyway, it's a sign that your not wearing the correct size (or all of your bras are just old). I say go shopping, have fun and thanks for sharing the story!

Mel said...

Way to funny! I have never had them come out from the middle, just under the armpit and that sucks too but usually only I know so I wouldn't trade places. I think it may just be time for a new bra!! Thanks for making me laugh!

Gerbil said...

Bwah-hah! Once... I was walking to lunch with a coworker who happened to be an amazingly-endowed woman. All of a sudden, SPROING!!!! Her underwire not only broke, it shot straight out the side of her sweater and danged near skewered me.

Lizarita said...

Awesome. That's all I can say.

PinkCat said...

I am so sorry but I had to laugh. That was so funny.

I read your post below about your sister.

Can you email me so I can share something with you.

Take care xxx

frannie said...

I needed that! What a totally Chick thing to happen. We should start calling stuff like that "pulling a chick."

I heart you! as much as I heart garlic. (and that is saying something!)

SJINCO said...

Oh my....totally funny! Although I thought you were going to say that you had like a booger hanging out of your nose or something.

Heathie said...

This story cracks me up! I was caught totally off guard by the ending (maybe not as much as you were...)! I didn't realize underwire could backfire like that. Sounds downright dangerous.

Emma in Canada said...

Okay I thought it was going to be a big piece of snot or something in your teeth. Underwire? Not such a big deal. It's not as bad as dirty panties falling out of your pants or something.

Shanilie said...

lol, I'm serious, I do want to 'be you' or in your shoes if only for a day. I swear, your life is so full of adventure....I think my life's biggest adventure is getting out of bed in the morning....and meal times lol. Send some of that adventure this way...please!

Anonymous said...

OK, that is ABSOLUTELY hysterical! And totally something that would happen to me!

I swear I read that three times and laughed harder each time! Funniest thing I've read all day!

Kelly said...

OMG..that is hilarious!! SO FUNNY seriously..I can't stop laughing! haha is there another walgreens in the area?? hahaha Glad you noticed before you went anywhere else! The funniest part is that is something that would totally happen to me as well!

Anonymous said...

I can't stop's something that would SO happen to me!!

I know it's not nice to laugh at someone else's expense, but really.... I SO needed that laugh. Thanks :)

and rudeness said...

I have never inhaled an oatmeal cookie the way I just did when I read that and began hysterically laughing.

You totally crack me up!

Thank you.