Sunday, February 24, 2008

Ass! Ass! Ass!

When I was in second grade my quasi-friend Kim and I were discussing our future children.

I call Kim my quasi-friend because, actually? I couldn't stand her. Seriously, even though we were like, seven or whatever she was a complete bitch. I was in a classroom of people I didn't know very well that year and it was either be friends with/fear her, or have to talk to Crystal, who was, at seven, like five-foot five and drank beer and threatened to kick my ass all the time. And that? Was not going to happen.

So anyway. Kim said a lot of curse words. Her mom, per her, did not care that she said curse words and let her say them at home.

This to me was just shocking and amazing. When I was five I learned to read. I was also forced to ride a school bus every day and that bus contained kids who were a lot older than me and liked to write lewd phrases in the steam on the school bus windows. I got into a huge mess of trouble when I came home and said, "Where the hell did I lay those damn papers?"

That's what I get for being literate! Or some crap!

Anyway. Kim said that when she grew up and became a mother, she was going to let her children say all the curse words they wanted.

I? Was not so sure. I mean, my parents weren't down with it. Surely it must be wrong.

Kim, in a rare act of kindness, touched my shoulder and said, "Oh! Chick! Let them!"

I don't know what happened to Kim since that faithful day in 1982. She dropped out of school at some point. I heard she was pregnant and based upon her actions in middle school, I believe it. If that's the case, her kid is like, 19 or 20 now. Maybe she's even a grandmother.


I guess I didn't really ever intend for my kids to say a lot of curse words, really. It's just...I say a lot of curse words. All the time. And you know kids. They listen. They hear. They repeat.

My kids never say curse words outside the confines of our home or our car. In fact, when we are driving to visit my parents? They always say, "Let's say all our curse words now!" and then we barrage one another with "Ass! Hell! Pumba!" until we can't stand it anymore.

I don't know why Pumba is a curse. It just is.

They don't curse at school. They never say a bad word in front of our preacher. Or my grandma. Or my parents or their cousins. They just don't.

Some people think I'm a bad mother because of this, I guess. That's probably okay, because I think that people who are really far up their kids asses all the time and insist that their children are perfect? Blow. Also? I think that people who can't have a sense of humor about anything and admit that, *GASP*, maybe being a mother or a child or even a human being isn't all sunshine and roses and Winnie the Freaking pooh? Can suck it.

Oh and also? I am around your kids. I actually, you know, spend TIME with my children. Not just mine, but yours. And your kids? In addition to saying every curse they can think of? Call people the n-word and say things that are ignorant and racist and completely redneck. Because that's what YOU are teaching THEM.

My kids can say ass all day, for all I care. Because I'm raising them so they won't be asses.

It's a fair trade, I think.


frannie said...

hell, yes!!!

AndreAnna said...

Does it count then when my 21-month old drops her sippy cup, she says "damnit"?

Or when she can't find something, she utters "oh, cwap"?

Thank you for not raising ignorant children. :)

Dawn~a~Bon said...

I can attest to the fact that your kids have never said a wordy-dird around me. And remember when Boy Child acted all shocked when I said, "Oh my God!" LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! They rock.

Jenski said...

My 6-year old nephew was recently like, "Darn it! Uhh...Damn it! Uhhh, Mommy, which am I allowed to say? Damn it or darn it?"

I don't mind swearing, but I do mind people who aren't aware of when they are doing it. If you know when it is okay to say "bad" words, you won't say them at school and church! Keep up the car swearing. :)

Tricia said...

I don't outright allow my kids to curse, but sometimes it slips out. I don't get mad about it or anything. How can I? I curse in front of them. And, also, it is really funny when they do it! But I think I have also taught them when it, like anything else, is appropriate. And anyone who thinks that makes me a bad parent can bite me.


My kids dad used to use the "f" word as an adjective. I used to get on him all the time about swearing around the kids. He said "Oh they will just learn it at school." I told him, "Do you want them to be the ones TEACHING it?" That was when they were really small, now they are 12 and 14 and sometimes it slips out and I give them cat-butt face and they say "sorry mom". (You know cat-butt face...when you squinch your mouth up and knit your brows because you totally disapprove of something...I could never pick up men at the mall...I get it every time I see teenage girls with belly button rings and peirced tongues...that's right...I went and got old...)

Dreamer said...

:) Your family rocks.

Allie said...

I don't allow my kids to curse but they are 4 and 2 so, at those ages it really is inappropriate. I don't know if I will allow them to when they get older or not, I guess a lot depends on their maturity. As far as your kids cursing, you are their mother so it doesn't matter what other people think, keep doing what you think is right. And, I totally agree that ass is way better than saying the n word

Patiently waiting said...

Amen sister!

EE said...

I love your kids!
My daughter called her brother a "bastard" the other day. She totally didn't know it was a curse word. I'm not even sure where she picked that one's not one of my curse words of choice.
I had to give her a quick lesson on the meaning of that word. I don't think she'll be using it again.
My kids say "that sucks" quite a bit...never around my mother, though:)

Anonymous said...

My son has been calling those big 4wheel drive trucks like his dad has "big ass trucks" since he could talk. What other words would you use to describe them? The other day, when he was fooling around and being silly, I was just looking at him and he said, "What?" And I said, "I'm trying to decide if I'm coming over there to kick your ass." We both laughed and laughed. And there is always too much "crap" all over the place. He never says these words where he shouldn't. I look at bad words like anything else: you tell them they can't say them and they'll say them when you're not around, as much as possible. Go, Chick!

Mrs. Booms said...

I'm entirely with you. And you know I swear like a sailor.

However, my 8-year old? Not so much. One time we told her to say whatever bad words she'd like to say, just once and she said shut up and poop and pee.

I've never been so proud in my whole life. Or disappointed. I'm not entirely sure.

Anonymous said...

Princess is not allowed to swear at this age, but truthfully I would rather people raise their kids to be good people like you do than worry about making the right appearances in public with regards to cursing.

Denise said...

Totally fair trade. Lexie is four and the other day Cameron got intosomething that he shouldn't have. Lexie put her hands on her hips and did the head bob and said.... "oh hell no'! Cracked my ass up.

Anonymous said...

I so second your post!

You rock!

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

Hee hee...I like the last bit best.

Maggie Ginsberg-Schutz said...

I tell my kids they can say all the bad words they want as long as they are not mean. Mean is way fucking worse.

I think they get it.

Tilly said...

I remember reading an interview with Whoopi Goldberg, where she told how her grand-daughter walked down in the aisle in churck, saying 'fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck'.

Whoopi's daughter went balistic - telling Whoopi off for saying those words around her child, and she replied that there were far worse words for a child to learn - like (amongst others) 'stupid'. I think she had a pretty valid point.

But then again, I have been known to swear like a sailor - not so much since having Mini Mint, but in the past? Hell yeah.

I have also incurred the wrath of the in-laws, because Mini Mint (at 2.5 years old) says 'Oh. My. God.' With hands on hips. I don't know if it's the blaspheming or the totally camp way that he says it - but they're not happy.

Amy W said...

I am sending my kids your way for you to raise them!

Priscilla said...

I was in church while raising my three sons. I did not allow them to cuss. We had a whole bunch of silly things we wouldn't let them do. Like I wouldn't let them wear wife-beater t-shirts or grow facial hair until they turned 18. I know, silly, except for the wife beater thing. They turned out marvelously, I think. They don't have facial hair or even cuss that much, and after wearing wife-beaters for a year straight, they threw them out.

I could have been a little easier on them but they have thanked me for being a good mom.

The point is, if you're a good mom. You're kids are gonna be ok, regardless of all the little stuff we do to them.

Rachel (Crazy-Is) said...


Anonymous said...

Chick, you so speak the truth! If a little cussing is the worst thing my Punkin can manage to do I will be damn happy.

Right now we are pretty careful around him and he has only said a few curse words. However, he has quite the repertoire of words including butt: butthead, buttwipe, stinky butt, butthole.

My mother is so proud of him.

Darci said...

I just had this conversation with a group of teachers at my middle school where I teach English. My comment is how chocked I was at the language the students use in the classroom. My thought was that there is a time and a place for that language and I use it to the hilt, trust me. But a child/teen/young adult needs to learn the appropriate place for such language.

My 2 girls cuss at the age of 14 and 16.5 when it is appropriate and necessary...I mean we all now an asshole!

Emma in Canada said...

I always said I would let my children swear because my parents never let me do it. I figured if we let them, it wouldn't be such a big deal to actually say the words. My only rule is you don't do it in front of people older than you or younger than you. It eliminates pretty much everyone but for their friends. It's worked thus far.

SJINCO said...

I *so* agree with you....


Anonymous said...

Hi. Came over from Hotfessional & have been browsing all over your site. This post though? This is one I had to stop and delurk on because, well, because I think..
I love you!(or at least your writing - I'm not creepy. Promise.)