Sunday, March 23, 2008

I am not kind. Nor do I have a good heart.

As evidenced by a number of my posts, I enjoy complaining, a lot.

I am aware of this particular character flaw. Not sure how to fix it. Not even sure if I should fix it in some instances. I mean, for real. I think I'm totally justified in some of the complaining I do. I mean, I think I'm allowed to be pissed off if I, for example, do all the work of the supervisor, have the same degree as the supervisor (not to mention a MUCH better rack) and he gets paid like, eleven million dollars more than me AND takes the credit for all my work.

I think anyone would be irritated by that, right? Not just me?


For some reason, though, I am finding myself really, really, really intolerant of other people's complaining lately. Which makes me a big hypocrite and probably a huge jerk, but I just. can't. help. it.

I really want to be the type of person who is sympathetic. And understanding. And doesn't try to compare my personal issues with those of other people. There is no assigned amount of pain that anyone necessarily has to feel over something. My sadness isn't worse than anyone else's. The struggles that other people face are difficult, even if they are struggles that I would absolutely KILL to have.

So I find myself avoiding people. Which also sucks, because, well, I don't really want to avoid people.

But also? I don't want to snark their heads off, so it's probably a good thing for me to avoid them.

How does one deal with this? How do you deal with someone complaining, constantly, about things that would you would love to have?

Because honestly? I'm about to shriek at some people to just give ME whatever it is they are complaining about. Just so I can see if it's really as awful as all that.


BandK said...

Ha! That's funny. Kinda like the millionaire that complains that he doesn't know how he can possibly find enough things to spend his money on. And how having three Mercedes and two Porsches is a big pain, because he can't decide which one to drive, and he was pissed because he couldn't fly to the coast today because his plane was in the shop and the Pilot had a cold.

Yeah, sometimes it's all in the perspective.

The way I look at it? When I complain about my job, and my co-workers, and how much it costs to put gas in my car, and how much my car payment is, and how expensive groceries are, and how much I hate cleaning my house and doing laundry? I'm sure that some homeless person wishes to hell they had that problem. That they had enough money to not eat out of garbage cans, and wishes they had a house to clean, and a car to drive, and a job to have.

Truly? It is all in the perspective, darlin! It's all in the shoes you walk in.

The trick is to be grateful for what you have, and to some people? It's never enough. You wonder sometimes, what Bill Gates might complain about. And how for just once in my life, I'd like to have that kind of "problem".

BandK said...

. . . and I was first! Woot!

AndreAnna said...

I go through these phases, too. It gets me especially in the gut when a 22 year old tells me she's tired from being out all weekend. I seriously want to rip her teeth out from her navel.

But it usually passes.

Then I realize that things are all relative, like you said, and I just try and remind myself that the poor 22 yr old will one day know what bone tired is and can suck it. :)

Anonymous said...

:) I don't know what to tell you. I know how you feel, though.

Tricia said...

I get this way sometimes. When someone starts bitching about something I find so petty or insignificant, I just want to scream, "REALLY?! That is all you have!"

Jenski said...

It is definitely a phase I've gone through! Sometimes, I take a break from office mates who also complain a lot because it just makes me complain more and feel worse about it. If it is nice out, I'll go outside; or I will just hide in lab. Maybe as the nice weather comes, that will help too. I also definitely use my blog to get frustrations out!

Allie said...

I hate when people feel sorry for me so that helps me complain less also, I take my worst day and compare it to people that don't have food for their children or themselves (or something like that) and it makes whatever I'm feeling pity for myself about seem a lot less important.
There are two things I think about complaining.
1) It is toxic for the soul.
2) Its contagious.

Denise said...

I don't know. I would love love to buy a house, and it is a little irritating to be around a certain friend. When she complains that she just wrote out a check for $11,000 for some home renovation, I want to slap her. I wish I had a house and eleven thousand dollars to spend!

Mikey said...

Chicklet, just let em have it. Seriously. Bout 15 yrs back I decided to just be brutally honest w/people and say exactly what's on my mind as it comes in. Granted, it doesn't win me any popularity contests, but I rarely feel like screaming anymore :)
You're so damn funny, just give em both barrels. Those who hate you for it aren't worth your time, (and might avoid you henceforth) and you'll find those people out there who appreciate your keen wit and biting tongue :)
And of course I find myself sometimes clapping a hand over my mouth to restrain myself, cause there are times... it's just not appropriate.
But I promise you, you'll feel a lot better. Quit bottling it up. Don't ever be wishing you'd said this or that. Just say it!!

Anonymous said...

When I first lived abroad in an ex-pat community, I found myself complaining. A lot. I think it partly had to do with my age at the time (early 30's)

Then someone mentioned the term 'stitch-n-bitch-brigade'. And I thought, "No way, don't want any part of that!"

But also? I didn't like myself when I complained. I'd cringe when I heard myself......*cringe at the memories now*

That's not to say there aren't things that upset me. And that's not to say I don't bitch about things sometimes. Coz I do. Sometimes. Heh.

I think it's okay to blow a little steam sometimes. But I always try to quickly kick my own ass back into perspective;).

I have boundaries about complaining:
Never stab anyone in the back.
Never bitch to anyone but a very close, trusted friend.
Don't say anything about someone I wouldn't say to their face. Ever.

And I try not to complain in front of my kids. That's because they started being hyper-critical. And I found myself looking in the mirror when I heard them moaning. Gah - that's awful.

When I feel like moaning (when my kids are around)? I stop and think how I want them to develop their view of the situation and skills for later use in life. That in itself always makes me take a step back and evaluate how I handle the situation.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and I guess I'm not the jealous type.... From reading some comments...

I'm the kinda person who gets really excited for my friends when they achieve or obtain something. Me and jealousy? Just don't seem to gel. (But, hey - I have other fault that are probably far worse!)

I had one friend who was uber jealous of everyone. A result of this was that she'd never ever acknowledge, much less compliment or congratulate her friends ---- UNLESS ---- she'd just got/achieved/accomplished the same thing. The only time I remember her being happy for me was when I had my first baby (but she had hers first..and *that* was important to her....coz she wasn't too nice to another friend who popped out a baby before her. How pathetic is that?).

Sigh. Human nature is shit sometimes.

Perspective is the key, I think.

Dawn~a~Bon said...

ahhhh **hugs**

Anonymous said...

Anything I'd say has already been said and said way better than I could. And? They're all right!!


Captain Steve said...

If they really are complaining about pure shit and you really don't like them. . .one up them. Or tell them that God has a plan. That always pisses people off and they tend to leave you alone. Of course, I probably shouldn't be encouraging such antisocial behavior, but then I wouldn't be me.

Captain Steve said...

If they really are complaining about pure shit and you really don't like them. . .one up them. Or tell them that God has a plan. That always pisses people off and they tend to leave you alone. Of course, I probably shouldn't be encouraging such antisocial behavior, but then I wouldn't be me.

LzyMom said...

I either tell people how much worse things could be, ie. them - "I owe taxes!", me - "Imagine if you were audited!", or how to fix their problems. I don't think complainers really want a solution - they just want a sounding board.

And no, you can't offer a long walk off of a short pier as a solution. :) (unless you really want to)

Angie said...

I'm in the same boat as Kellie. . .I think anything I would've said has already been said.

I guess if you don't let the negative thoughts completely take over and get you down. . . expressing ones' self can be good.

Maybe that's what we're for. Accountability? I know we certainly get paid well for our tasks....the laughs are priceless!!

. . .and for what it's worth, I spend a HECK of a lot of time kissing Caroline. Can't help it!

notsosmallfries said...

Hugs. I think it is about perspective. People forget to be grateful for what they have. Then because it is mundane, they complain, forgetting that others would give just about anything to be so blessed.

Anonymous said...

I think we all go through that at times.

Two words: voodoo dolls.

Heather J. said...

I'm liking the voodoo doll deal.

At least you acknowledge that you have little tolerance for other people's crap right now. You are not required to be understanding and supportive of everyone you know. (you probably aren't making a lot of friends, but friends, eh, are overrated...)

You've had more than your share on your plate, lately....and you're true friends love you anyway...

David said...

I used to bitch like 90 until I lost my hearing and most of my good health 6 months ago.
Now I am the biggest fan of life.
Loved the post!
Thanks for making me smile

CPA Mom said...

funny.ironic. i just posted a post that was nothing put a pile of complaining and felt like a huge a-hole for complaining. but sometimes, we just HAVE to complain, get it out, or explode! I'm with you.

Jhianna said...

When I've been in really, really bad spots (and yeah, they were still relative. I've always had a roof over my head, even when I wasn't sure that I could rob Peter to pay Paul another month without it all going down the drain... gah on the parenthesis!), that's when I've felt like you describe. Later when things got better for me, I realized that my pool of empathy had just run dry.

Do what you have to while it's bad.

SJINCO said...

I get this! I totally get this.

EE said...

I was hoping Alpha Dude would have the answer to this one.
Where the heck is he????

Rachel (Crazy-Is) said...

As some other's said, it's all about perspective. While someone else's problems may seem trivial to you, they aren't trivial to that person.

I hate complaining, but, like you, I find myself doing it more and more. Mostly to my husband about things around the house. And, I've noticed that it's starting to rub off on Kaylie, so I have really really made an effort to curb the complaining alot. I think it's just human nature. We never realize how lucky we are.