Monday, July 14, 2008

Well then.

Why is it that when you are feeling your lowest people who say they are your friends make you feel even worse?

I know I've been miserable lately and boy does it show in everything I've been doing. I get that. I get that I need a kick in the pants. I need help getting out of this funk, because what I'm doing? Not. Working.

I do not, however, need to be reminded of my inadequacies. I do not need people emailing me telling me that the reason no one has published my book is because my book probably sucks, because if a book is good enough someone eventually publishes it.

I mean, thanks for that, seriously. That just helps everso.

I do not need to log on and read that someone I know who is in an ABUSIVE MARRIAGE is having yet another baby. I do not need to know that someone who can't afford the children she already has is having yet another baby with a husband who doesn't work, doesn't give a crap, and doesn't take care of the kids they already have. No, actually I could have lived many, many years without hearing about that.

And yes, I know it's none of my stupid business. I know that. It doesn't mean I have to like it or think it's fair. Because I don't. At all.

I don't like this funk I'm in. I don't like my job. I don't like that my boss thinks I'm a moron. I don't like that I have an interview for a second job today because I don't want a freaking second job, I want gas to not be $4 a gallon. I don't like that the school I want to put my kids in would cost me $11200 a year because we live in the wrong freaking county. I don't want my grandmother to be dead.

I don't like that I feel like I have absolutely no control over anything right now.

And I especially don't like people who are supposed to be my friends treating me like shit about it.


Suzy said...

I hear ya. In 3 and a half months of not being able to walk or leave my apartment, you'd be surprised that when some of my friends call they never ask ONCE how I'm doing. But I do get to hear them go on and on and on and on about their lives. Like my only purpose now is to listen to them. Crap. I'm getting new friends.

Dawn~a~Bon said...

OK, whoever told you that about your book didn't know what the hello molly she (he?) was talking about, because from what I've heard, every author goes through the rejection process before they get published.

I'm really sorry about the other stuff. Especially your grandmother. That's so hard. And the price of everything is going up. I'm already freelancing when I can and I've thought too about picking up a weekend job. Every week it seems like I get less groceries for more money, and that just sucks.

**HUG** I hope something good comes your way today.

Tricia said...

Everyone has their moments (some moments are longer than others!) where they just can't shake the mood they are in. Everyone. Your friends, of all people, should be the ones to support you through those times. It is so dissappointing when they don't. In the past year, I have had a few friends let me down like this. When I needed them the most is when they felt the need to get a jab in or two.

Birth Sister Doula Services said...

Yeah, life sucks right now. I'm so sorry. :( Just remember - you cannot control what other people do. You can only control how you respond to it. You can not read the blogs that discourage you. You can choose to come here and read the comments about how much we love you instead. Because I? Come here every morning to get my day started with a little Stephanie. It makes me smile, and I think about you on my way to work instead of worrying about all the stuff I have to get done when I get there. I find myself wishing I could pick up the phone and call you to give you a pep talk. Because friends? Support friends. And if they don't? They're not your friends. In the wise words of my dad: Keep your chin up and your nose down. :)

CPA Mom said...

Just a hug from a real friend who is here to listen whenever you need it. I will NOT kick you when you are down (or up for that matter).

Alpha Dude said...

People can be total morons. You know that. You write about them all the time.

You, my dear sweet friend, are a terrifically talented writer. I know this because i have read your stuff for some time now and I am an excellent judge of character. And YOU? Are one amazing character.

You know Jesus. (I know you do) And Jesus said that He came to give you life. But not just life, but life more abundantly! That means that your high's will be higher and your lows may be lower, but you are indeed experiencing LIFE!

You and Jason and the kids are doing life together. And you are doing a wonderful job.

Hang in there Chick. You're doing great. And I can't wait for your book to get published because I am going to rush out and get myself a copy.


Zephyr said...

I'm in one of those "I don't like it" moods too. And it really sucks. But I've been doing a lot of perennial gardening lately. I find that getting into something you love helps revitalize you. So I hope you can find something you love to do also. Take some time to pamper yourself. You deserve it AND you need it.


Jana said...

((hugs)) Love ya chick.

Captain Steve said...

A "friend" told you that your book probably sucks? Dude, what a bitch. I had a second job, but I dropped it because the gas wasn't worth it and picked up a tenant.

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

Oh hun, you sure have your share of bad luck when it comes to crummy friends, eh?

I can actually say, despite not having read it, that your book must be pretty darn fabulous. Because I know you, and I know how you write. Having a wonderful book is not enough to get published though. There's so much hard work and so much luck involved in selling a book. I'm only just getting to the point where I'm -thinking- about trying to get published some day and the thought of it seriously freaks me out. I have numerous friends who are published authors though, and I've heard their stories. Everytime? Numerous rejections.

And one of my gal pals? Is having one of her books made into a friggin' movie.

Whoever sent that email might have been trying to be nice. They might have been trying to give you a reality check or something like that. Problem is, they weren't in touch with reality themselves. You're an amazing writer. I do not cry easily over what I read but you've done it to me time and time again. You touch hearts, babe, and I'll bet you're not even 100% sure how you do it.

Keep pushing forward. Not just for you and your family (though that's reason enough), but because the world needs more books that actually -mean- something.

Kiki said...

I know that people can sometimes seem cruel when you are going through a hard time. I really do understand that... especially about the kid stuff. Don't you worry. You will feel better. Things will turn around for you and you will get published if you keep pushing. You are wonderful and funny and the right publisher will come around for you at the right time. Hang in there and know that there are people who you don't know that are your friends and want you to be happy.

Mrs. Booms said...

People, in general, just tend to suck.

And later I'll tell you how I really feel. ;)

Misty said...

Oh, my dear... People are just crap. And the crappiest of all people are quite often those people we think are our "peeps". Bah!

In re: to the statement said to you about your book. Hit them in the head with the fattest encyclopedia there is, and here is why: there are THOUSANDS of good books, amazing books, that will probably NEVER be published. Just like there a hundreds of thousands of totally crappy books that are. The reality of this situation is documented EVERYWHERE. From writing books, to literary magazines. The problem is the system. The populary/lottery system of getting an agent to want to represent you based on your amazing novel summed into 12 words. It's a lottery, and sometimes the poorly written, crap books win.

Most of us are funky right now. These are some pretty fricken tough times... We'll all hang in there to blog about it, and someone somewhere will stumble upon these blogs and say: "They should write a book" and then you can chuck the whole Encyclopedia set at your "friend" and say "see ya..."

Frannie said...

I'm sorry that you are in such a funk... it can be so tough to feel like that and not know how to turn things around. It is just miserable. I wish that I knew the magic words to turn you around. Just keep writing... that has to help some.

love you!

Sarcasta-Mom said...

I wish I could come over and take you out for a dink. That's what my friend and I do for each other when we're down. Beer n' Bitch can really work wonders for a funk. Hope you claw your way out of this soon ((hugs))

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear that you are in such a funk. I was like this a couple of weeks ago and it sucked big time. I agree - a good drink sounds like it's in order for you. :)
Feel better soon!

Angie said...

I'm so sorry that your "friends" are treating you like this. That sucks.

It really will get better -- and the pain from the loss of your grandmother will ease, some, in time.

I love what Alpha Dude said -- I nearly always do!!

Stephanie said...

Wow, sounds like maybe you need a new "friend". I hope you pull out of your funk soon.

Gerbil said...

Some friend. Got angry bats?????

I have every faith in you and you WILL be published. And then I will take a paperback copy of Aesop's fable about sour grapes, roll it up and go smack that 'friend' across the nose, and tell them 'Bad friend! bad!'

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

I remember going through infertility treatments and craziness and wanting to punch the fuck out of every person in my neighborhood with a pink or blue ribbon on their mailbox. That the the heartless friend who pronounced that her second pregnancy "was a mistake" because "she was so fertile." Yeah.

And? That $4 gas shit? Mortgage companies/banks going to hell? Nothing we can do about it. Just do what you can and love your family. That's all I can tell you.

Love you, hon!

Bethany said...

I actually, for real, know what you are talking about. I wish I had some really great words for you but I can't even find words for myself. I'll just say: love you, wish things were better and do you think Alpha Dude would consider pastoring a church in NJ?

You know where to find me.

Anonymous said...

I don't care what you say. People who talk shit about you or those that can't support you, especially when your in a funk ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. Period.

I hope things turn around for you quickly. Big Hugs!

Devon said...

people actually email you crap like that? sounds like they need to get a life...

i look forward to your book one of these days... i can't get enough of your blog! even when you're in a funk!! :) your time will come, i'm sure of it... until then, you have all the more time to catalog ideas in your head for what you want to write! life experience may help you in whatever comes out in your book! :)

as far as people having kids and being worthless, lazy slobs...... um... yeah, i see that allll of the time. or else you see these women whose husbands have these cushy jobs and they get to prance around with their babies all decked out in designer duds and not having a care in the world. makes you want to flip them off. i don't know which is worse.

PS--you're not alone in the job-hate category! i'm putting off getting to bed because i feel like tomorrow will come too fast... :(

KiKi said...

Screw 'em. Anyone who beats someone who's already down is a loser anyway. You hang in there and keep pressing DELETE.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there. Ignore the angry naysayers. They are suckier than dirty jello.