Saturday, February 07, 2009

Notice you, noticing me.

People are work are starting to notice I'm losing weight.

Okay the real truth is? One day all my pants were dirty and I didn't feel like doing any laundry so I dug around in my closet and found an old pair of pants, which were smaller, and I wore those to work. So it became obvious I am losing weight because they are tighter than the clown pants I usually sport.

So they are noticing.

Anyway, as we often do, we were discussing weight and losing weight and one of the ladies I work with asked me how I'm losing weight. She's tried everything and nothing works and what's my secret?

So I told her, "Here's what you do. Sign yourself up for something hard and ridiculous and impossible. Like a 39 mile, two-day walk for breast cancer. Establish a deep sense of shame. Then your ass will be in the gym every day."

Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

Seriously. I don't want to humiliate myself.

I suppose that motivation is as good as any, right? Because this weight loss crap? Thinking about this weight loss crap? Becoming a better person and a healthier person and so on, blahdy-blah infinity? Not. So. Much.

I got this really sweet email from a lady who had read the first four chapters of my book online and then said "Thanks for giving overweight people a voice in the world of love". And I was like, "Aww. That's so nice. I totally didn't mean to".

Because, really? I totally didn't mean to. It's a happy accident, I suppose, but that really wasn't my intent. I didn't intend to give single mom's a voice, or people who met online a voice. I just had these funny stories and I wanted to tell them. That was it.

I don't think ahead, apparently.

I guess I hadn't thought much about any of this before, but honestly? I know I'm overweight and I know I need to lose weight, but I swear to God it hadn't occurred to me since probably high school that it would impede me from finding love. (And as I get older and my children barrel towards high-school? I am more and more convinced that no one needs to bother trying to find love in high-school. But maybe that's just my own hang-up).

Maybe I'm deluded. I don't know. It never seemed to be a problem. I never felt that men who I cared to go out with treated me any differently. And this is coming from a woman who had a man moo at her like a cow, so that's saying a lot.

I guess anyone who I would want to be around and want to have a relationship with...any kind of relationship, not just romantic, would be cool with me and who I am. My big hair and my habit of waving my arms around when I talk. My sarcasm and my inability to say no. Me. No matter what the stupid bastard scale says.

Anyway. Heavy stuff.

Literally and figuratively, I suppose.


Dan said...

I agree! I'm a guy and I always find that the inside of any person is what makes them attractive. You take the whole person - mind, body, and soul. That is true for friendship, love, business, ...

And the remarks by the lady about love - to me that just says you are a good writer. The reader was able to embed themselves in what they were reading. It is not easy to write that convincingly.

Allie said...

As an overweight person I am extremely jealous of your sense of self. My weight consumes me, I feel like it runs my life, like everything around me is affected by it. For you to feel like your relationships with men have nothing to do with weight? I would kill for that.

Lynnbug said...

I have to agree with Allie. I only wish I felt that way. I hate that I am heavy and what I hate even more is that my hatred of being heavy does not motivate me to lose weight. It HINDERS my weight loss. So good for you! You have acheived what I always wanted to acheive and you didnt even have to think about it!

Tara said...

I didn't mean that comment in the email to sound bad, but after reading it on your blog, I think it sounded kinda bad. I just meant that there are alot of great love stories out there with the stereotypical Hollywood looks. Its great to actually connect with a book that resembles you both inside and out. I wish I had your confidence and self esteem. You are enterting the role model world.

Captain Steve said...

I agree with the ladies up there. I feel like looks and weight are a huge amount of getting a relationship going, but not necessarily keeping one going. I don't know if it's true, but it feels true.

Kimberly said...

I've often wondered about people who "give voice" and whether they actually intended to or not. Heavy indeed!

Dawn~a~Bon said...

Weight shmeight, you're hot. Come show me your cute undies! LOL!

Supes said...

My personal motivation? I pay for the gym membership yearly, not monthly. So everyday I don't go, I imagine that amount of money going down the toilet. I can't live with that, so I go.

You'd be very proud of a certain pink haired neice of yours who has lost 5 pounds and 8 inches (mostly in the boob area) since starting Curves. I know I am.

Angie said...

You hit on so many things that I could comment about. But the one that jumped out at me is the fact that someone mooed at you. It happened to me too. . in high school. Hurt. Hurt a lot. And, I weigh a lot more now than I did back then. Which is just reason #13 (out of 7,596) that I wouldn't go back to high school.

I never thought about the voice aspect either, but you are a dang good writer!! :)

Alpha Dude said...

I still think that you are the coolest!


SJ said...

I think you connect with more people than you realize, for a variety of reasons. You are an awesome role model, I mean just look at your kids!

Rachel (Crazy-Is) said...

I just want to be healthy. And healthy doesn't equal 115 pounds for everyone. The scale can kiss my ass too. I don't really want to lose weight so much as I want to tone things, to have things not so jiggly and to, hopefully, be a bit stronger.