People are work are starting to notice I'm losing weight.
Okay the real truth is? One day all my pants were dirty and I didn't feel like doing any laundry so I dug around in my closet and found an old pair of pants, which were smaller, and I wore those to work. So it became obvious I am losing weight because they are tighter than the clown pants I usually sport.
So they are noticing.
Anyway, as we often do, we were discussing weight and losing weight and one of the ladies I work with asked me how I'm losing weight. She's tried everything and nothing works and what's my secret?
So I told her, "Here's what you do. Sign yourself up for something hard and ridiculous and impossible. Like a 39 mile, two-day walk for breast cancer. Establish a deep sense of shame. Then your ass will be in the gym every day."
Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.
Seriously. I don't want to humiliate myself.
I suppose that motivation is as good as any, right? Because this weight loss crap? Thinking about this weight loss crap? Becoming a better person and a healthier person and so on, blahdy-blah infinity? Not. So. Much.
I got this really sweet email from a lady who had read the first four chapters of my book online and then said "Thanks for giving overweight people a voice in the world of love". And I was like, "Aww. That's so nice. I totally didn't mean to".
Because, really? I totally didn't mean to. It's a happy accident, I suppose, but that really wasn't my intent. I didn't intend to give single mom's a voice, or people who met online a voice. I just had these funny stories and I wanted to tell them. That was it.
I don't think ahead, apparently.
I guess I hadn't thought much about any of this before, but honestly? I know I'm overweight and I know I need to lose weight, but I swear to God it hadn't occurred to me since probably high school that it would impede me from finding love. (And as I get older and my children barrel towards high-school? I am more and more convinced that no one needs to bother trying to find love in high-school. But maybe that's just my own hang-up).
Maybe I'm deluded. I don't know. It never seemed to be a problem. I never felt that men who I cared to go out with treated me any differently. And this is coming from a woman who had a man moo at her like a cow, so that's saying a lot.
I guess anyone who I would want to be around and want to have a relationship with...any kind of relationship, not just romantic, would be cool with me and who I am. My big hair and my habit of waving my arms around when I talk. My sarcasm and my inability to say no. Me. No matter what the stupid bastard scale says.
Anyway. Heavy stuff.
Literally and figuratively, I suppose.