Wednesday, July 25, 2007

You'd pay money to work with me.

Sadly, I was in rare form today.

In addition to being a ranty shrew in my last post (sorry), I did and said the following today:

1) "Find a place for them your damn self!"
To a co-worker who has absolutely nothing to do but sit around and talk about how he got fired from his last job, when he told me to move the boxes I have stacked up on top of a file cabinet. Fire hazard my ass.

2) "The hell!"
When someone asked me if I would give Nuclear Criticality training.

Pretty sure that we'd all be dead in six weeks, sport. Crit safety is not my thing. If you asked me to give training on, say, "The Facts of Life" or Jessica Simpson's stupidity, I'd be all over it. But not things that could potentially make a difference to anyone, anywhere. I can't be responsible for things like that.

3) "I'm not your damn secretary!"
To three different people. Huh.

4) "What the damn hell?"
I can't remember who I said this too. Or why.

5) "If he says 'this right here' one more time, I'm going to crotch punch him."
Because 'this right here'? Makes me want to scream.

6) "My dog, WHO IS DEAD, could do a better job than her!"
My dog isn't really dead. That's just fun to say.

7) "She needs to cover that up. No one wants to see her business."
Pretty self-explanatory.

8) "Harry Potter can friggin bite me."
I also can't remember why I said that. I don't even know anything about Harry Potter.

9) "You know. He's got those man cats."
Because my friend, who is a man, has really large cats.

It was much funnier when I actually said that.

10) "Fire!"

No, just lying.

Probably, no one would laugh if I did say that.

So yeah. Not my best day today. I would apologize to my co-workers, but none of them read my blog.

Also? I mostly hate them.

So it's all win-win. No consequences for bad behavior.


Patiently waiting said...

Man cats? That was great! That's why I love coming to your blog; I know it will either be A) funny or B)something profound.


okay fine I will do the research and find my OLD gmail account so that I can comment...

I have to tell you a story I heard today from a blonde coworker, who at one time thought LIMA BEANS come from LLAMAS. Evidently, she and her husband were passing a llama farm and she said "So THAT'S where LLAMA BEANS come from..." No, I do not work for MTV or the movie industry, my co-worker is not Jessica Simpson.

Anonymous said...

Ah, the beauty of blogging. You can post what you want with anonymity from those who drive you INSANE in life.

Keep it up, Chick.

my4kids said...

Sorry your having such a bad day, chick. Even though some of the things you say on a bad day are quiet funny....hmmm and none of them have anything to do with being a mommy!

Anyway Chick, I really hope your feeling better tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

I wish I coulda said that crap while I was working...

Anonymous said...

Crotch punching people, huh? Certainly could relieve some work related stress!!

I am pretty sure your co-workers are morons. And lazy. And stupid. But, they certainly provide for good blog material :)

CPA Mom said...

wish you were MY co-worker. That would be win-win.

Anonymous said...

There's a cube opening next to mine. you want to come be my neighbor/coworker?

And this post? Is proof once again that us mommies? We can be funny. You do it without even trying, my darling. And that is the brilliance that is chick!

Alpha Dude said...

Now this right here was one downright funny post.
Educational too.


Angie said...


. . .working at a church. . .I can't say ANY of those things.


Victoria Dehlbom said...

Man cats! Do you think maybe it would be funnier if he had man hamsters?

SJINCO said...

Man I wish I worked with you.

And SEE! You ARE funny.

Funny as hell.....

Jocelyn said...

What you need to know about Harry Potter: he probably would bite you. Be careful.

Big cats = Big _____.

Real Life in South Carolina said...

I'm trying to get caught up on my reads...and really needed that laugh. Especially after this morning! Thank you, Chick. You never fail me.

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

You're makin' my workplace look extremely boring, y'know. =P