(They were watching, "A Charlie Brown Christmas". I know Snoopy is not Hannah Montana or anything)
Girl Child, thinking: It's his magical dancing.
Boy Child: Ohhhh.
Girl Child: Because his dancing? Amazing. I've never seen such a talented dog, in all my years.
Me, to Ginger: Who loves you? WHO LOVES YOU? Who thinks you are the best dog in the world?
Jason, to Ginger: Aww! Look at the puppy!
Me, to Jason: She's the best dog ever.
Jason, to Ginger: Look at the puppy! Such nice clean lines and good symmetry!
Me, to Jason: It's a really good thing we're married now. You totally couldn't pick up chicks with lines like that.
Me: Can't you just say the dog is pretty?!!?!
Boy Child, to me: Mom? Are you sure you are my real mom?
Me: Positive. Why do you ask?
Boy Child: Well, this kid? I know? He said that you looked really young.
Boy Child, continuing: But I told him, "No! My mom is really, really, really old."
Me: Yeah, I'm going to need you to go read a book now.
Boy Child, to me: Mom? When I'm a grown adult can I live in your basement?
Me: Number one, we don't have a basement. Number two, no.
Boy Child: Well can I live in the house with you then?
Me: No. You'll need to have your own house with your own wife and your own children.
Boy Child: But mom, we can all just live here with YOU.
Girl Child, exasperated: Brother! For the love of God! You cannot live with mom!
Me: Thank you Girl Chi-
Girl Child: There are spiders in basements! Do you want to get bitten by a spider? SHEESH!
Me: I'll take it.